Kiezadvents Geschenk

Our gift to you is the this painting you have just opened. It was made by two adults and two children. The observation by Robert Macfarlane, that the living need our tenderness most, invites you to create more moments of tenderness with your loved ones.

In addition to this painting gift, I want to offer a few exercises you can try out to practice this tenderness. It is about spending quality time together with those you hold dear. The focus is on listening, opening up, making stuff, and playing. The hope is that you try all of the exercises, in order. But you are welcome to pick and choose just one or two that resonate with you.

Exercise 1:

Self-awareness

Step one

You each get a paper and pen. Fold the paper in half.

First half:

Question one: What do you already have enough of? Take a few minutes to reflect and list items or actions.

Question 2: What do you have too much of?

Second half of the paper:

Question 3: What do you want more of?

Question 4: What would be good for you to add? List items or actions that would improve your life if you added them to your life.

Step 2

Look at the answers to questions 3 and 4. Circle three answers. Three that seems especially important or stand out for you.

Step 3

Fold a piece of paper to be similar to the size of your phone.

Write those three answers you circled on this paper

Step 4

Keep it in your pocket each day this month.

The idea is to realize how much you have enough of and to orient toward making your life better. (It just might reduce your screen consumption…)

Exercise 2:

Listen deeply

In pairs, ideally during a walk outside in a park.

Person 1 talks for 10 minutes about what they are struggling with these days. What is dark or difficult or unresolved?

During this 10 minutes, Person 2 is the listener. They do not direct the conversation by asking questions or responding to what they hear.

Just focus on listening.

After 10 minutes, Person 2 mirrors back what they heard. “I heard you are going through ____, and it feels like ____.

No advice giving or analysis. Just proving you listened.

Next, you switch roles.

After 10 minutes, ding-ding goes your alarm and the mirroring is repeated.

If you wish to respond to what you heard, with advice or insights, then wait until the exercise is over and then ask if the other person would like to hear the response.

The key is to first listen and show empathy. That opens a space of connection and understanding. And we all need that.

Exercise 3:

Open up

Have a conversation, exploring your responses to these questions:

What do you appreciate most about me?

What am I particularly good at?

What are you proud of?

What are you afraid of?

What makes a good friendship?

What do you wish for the future?

Who and what inspires you? When do you feel inspired?

What could I do for you more often?

What have you learned from me?

What annoys you about our relationship?

What do you wish for our future?

Exercise 4:

Expressing in written word

Take 30 minutes to write a letter to yourself or someone else

Dear _________,

For example: Dear mom, God, partner, Spirit of Unconditional Love, son…

A handwritten letter to express some kind of love and warmth

Exercise 5:

Creative mark-making

Grab some paper, pens, or even brushes and ink/paint

Set a timer for 30 minutes

Now make something.

It can be a representational image or non-representational, abstract marks.

Whatever comes out is good. Just go slowly, at the pace of the body.

Focus on this and nothing else. No screens or talking during this exercise.

This will be good for your brain and for your soul.

Exercise 6

Playtime

In pairs, you will pretend to be someone else. There is no pre-planning who you are or where you are. That will emerge during the play.

Tips:

Start the scene in the middle. You two know each other already.

Start by moving around the space and pretending to use your hands for some activity/action.

Once one person says something about the reality of the scene, you must agree and add to the world of the scene.

If one person says something silly or strange, they are now playing the role of the weird or silly character and the other person should be a counter - the voice of reason.

Start with this warm-up a few times:

3 LINE DRILL

Person 1: says a sentence

Person 2: responds in a sentence

Person 1: responds to the response in a sentence

Exercise 7

Slow Down

Try taking a mindful walk in a park. Slow your pace and notice your breath and your weight as you take each step.

Thoughts will come and go. Notice them and return your focus to the breath and your steps.

I hope you were able to share some more tenderness with yourself and others during these exercises. I would love to hear how it was was you. Wishing you the best.